Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Meltdown

So I was supposed to go hiking with Chris today and I bailed without calling - then I was supposed to go to Caribbean Bay with some other folks and I bailed on them... basically I couldn't bring myself to get up in the morning.

Today I made plans to meet people in Itaewon and instead I went to sleep. I am having a mental meltdown on a major scale - either that or I've caught mono from...something. I need to get myself into a gym, a psychiatrist's office or buy big bag of meth. It's anybody's guess if I'll make it into work tomorrow.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

The Road Goes Ever On

This is my classroom. It is about the same size as my apartment, which gives you an idea about the source of some of my discipline problems. That is, classroom discipline problems, not personal discipline problems, yet I have plenty of those too. :P


Ok, with this photo as inspiration for getting out of the ESL teaching kharmic cycle, let this be an open forum for brainstorming on The Future of Cal-mo-dee. Maybe it will be helpful for other folks lost in the English Teacher eddy.

Option 1: I have been toying more and more with getting an MBA from the New Taiwan University's College of Management. An MBA appeals to my entrepreneurial bent, it's a logical next step at my age, although maybe a bit of a big step considering all the lost time of my youth. Some CV embellishment would be necessary. I am keen to take the GMAT and I've even procured a few study aids. Getting the MBA from NTU has the advantages of being
a) extremely cheap - only 3000 US dollars for two years(!) Incredibly, although it's a new program, it's still rated 25th out of Asian schools.
b) I could also pursue some Chinese studies, and even at my advanced age, learning new languages is highly appealing to me right now.
I would probably need to work in Korea for another year to save up enough money to fly over and spend two years without income. I am guessing 12 k US all together.

The disadvantages of this scheme - I don't know precisely what I would do once I get back home. The MBA would help me get a job, but what kind of job? The NTU English MBA isn't accredited by any big org but they're working on it, and it is from an internationally reputable school. I hope it would be seen as a logical choice for a student of Asian studies, but, I don't have any previous official language study qualifications.

Option 2: try out for the Suwon Blue Wings. Become a professional footballer maybe the first (?)to start their career beyond 20s. Then move to Read Madrid and fill the gap in the roster caused by Michael Owen's 17 million pound transfer to Newcastle.

Option 3: Go home and resume my old working life with Frankie Five Fingers - try to get a job building websites or writing for websites. The advantage of this scheme is that it would be comfortable - and there is no better person to work with than Frank. The disadvantages are that it would be difficult and mabye not play to my strengths. If it didn't work for me the first five years I should probably try something a bit different. A variation of this scheme is trying to get a job with interesting companies like EA as a GUI artist / designer. I could probably pull it off if I work hard. Again, I don't know how much of a future there would be in that.

Option 4: Continue teaching and try to get work editing - while submitting as much of my writing to as many interested parties as possible. This has the advantage of being an entirely new type of endeavour, but that is also its disadvantage - starting new, no experience, no joy. This is a dangerous plan since the longer I teach, the more difficult it will be to stop. Or to ever try something else.

Speaking of writing - I'm starting the book - will publish in installments on the super secret site. Ask for access if you want to read it. No, it's not the story of an English teacher who moves to Korea.

Hmm I thought I had more ideas than this. Could this sort of ..mental inflation... be the cause of my deplorably bad life strategies? Please feel free to comment and add your advice, bitchslaps and whatnot. Next post - some notes from the Wee Booke of Goales - a compilation of the aspirations and failures that made me the twisted shard of a man you read today.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Forgiveness

It has been some time since I have written anything, and, in my current emotional state, writing seems to be one of the only things I can do. Here are some thoughts on my situation, with a bit of a redemption and healing theme.

I have had 9 work-free days to enjoy (after a month of hell), and yet I haven't managed to call a single important person, or go to a single important place. I'm going to forgive myself for wasting nine days of glorious free time, and I hope you will do the same. At least I finished Jade Empire, which, if you do that sort of thing, comes highly recommended.

I have come to terms with the fact that I am either
a) suffering another debilitating bout of depression or
b) I'm suffering from culture shock - possibly aggravated by (a)

If any of my unfortunate family are reading this I can only say that our brief phone conversations make my homesickness worse. Avoiding conversation with friends and family back home is an attempt to cope, maybe not the best way, but I'm sure that must be the reason since I do miss you. This is just a phase. I will get better, I will call, and thank you for your extended patience. I am going to forgive myself for being a selfish fruitcake, and I hope you will too.

It's been eight months in Korea, and what have I accomplished? Well, most importantly, I haven't been fired. I am still here. Congratulations to me for making it to 3/4!

I have lost my immunity to mosquito bites, either that or the poison in Korean mosquitos is highly potent, because the itchy red bumps around my tender ankles takes days to subside.

Speaking of immunity - I never had any a priori defence against spicy food, raised as I was on milk and bread in the heartland of White NAmerica. I thought that maybe eating Korean food would harden me, turn me into a culinary Nietszchean, a gustatorial bronze tongued superman, if you will. I was wrong.
I went out for 짐닭 (super spicy boiled chicken with noodles and veggies) with Ivy League Ike last week and it nearly destroyed me. I had a small pile of tissues competing for space with my leftover chicken bones on the table, pathetically weak against the power of 'gochu' (hot red chiles). Curiously, I've been told Koreans consider mustard to be very spicy, and have trouble eating it. Maybe our tongues are configured differently? It's OK that I have trouble eating spicy food, what's not okay is paying for a gym membership and then not using it to burn off said food. If I come back to Canada fatter than when I left I will be seriously pissed.

Korean girls are coy and their curiosity about western men is mitigated by a fairly strict social code that constrains them from any form of tawdriness. Chris and I agreed that their lot is pitiable - torn by the sordid influences of foreign media (TV) and ruled like peasants by their families. Then again, there are some enlightened ones - (I am told) I need to get out more, beyond the sleepy confines of 천천동. I am going to forgive myself for being a recluse, and vow to concentrate more on practicing Korean than on playing my Xbox.

I am not saving or sending home as much money as I thought I would. The prime directive has been clouded. What am I doing here, besides ruining my "career", if I don't send home enough money to pay off my familial debt? I am going to forgive myself for having a psycho boss who makes even the mere thought of taking private lessons impractical. I won't forgive myself for being a spendthrift but I will forgive myself for having a lower-than-expected income, especially after my lucrative first and second quarters. I will make more money if and when I decide to work elsewhere during my second year. I will send it straight to mum and da'.

This does, oddly, make me feel better! Next post: future plans.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Wedding

Congratulations to Brandon and Dawn on their wedding today. You're both great people - optimistic, intelligent, and kind. I can't wait to see you again, and to talk about whatever over some wine, with or without cat attendants.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Day 7

I probably overreacted yesterday - whoo- boy. Trying to get me to work hard is like trying to hide a smoker's cigarettes - not pretty.

Still, I did go through with my plan to wear a suit and tie to work. Everyone in the joint assumed I was going to or coming from an interview, and made the half-joking, snide, yet pryingly obvious witticism - "so, how'd the interview go?" To each one I gave a gravelly "don't be ridiculous".

Haha - only someone really going to an interview would NOT joke about it.

I apologized for my outburst yesterday to El Capitan and she ever so slowly (remember,we're dealing with a form of ESL speak in all transactions) explained that I probably "lost my temperature" because of the stress from poor teaching evaluations.

Strangely, at lunch Suwon Sue, the foxy Korean staffer, (getting foxier?) asked me out to dinner after work. I was HIGHLY suspicious, and almost refused. She said it was because I was so sharply dressed. What is going on? Has the company given her a seduction budget to keep me from straying? Let's hope so!

Dinner with Sue was very pleasant. We ate very plain barbecued beef with a variety of wacky Korean side-dishes like candied pumpkin, kimchi varieties 1,2,3,and 4, tofu, mashed potatoes shaped into a perfect sphere, vermicelli in shrieking hot sauce, and of course, shredded cabbage in a small bowl of dressing. We talked about work, and I did my best to try and bring her in from the cold, but the corporate mole would not turn. She started out by reassuring me that she had taken Ivy League Ike out for dinner last week since he was finishing his term at the end of this month. ( i.e. this is not a date.) Yeah, whatever, Suwon Sue!

We did talk a lot about work, as I expected. She isn't the biggest fan of EC, but is so firmly entrenched in the boss-worship that is standard here that she can't see any way out. It turns out she is from a big family of successful siblings - a judge, a professor, a nurse and such. I explained the concept of a 'black sheep' and I told her that we're both black sheep, since my sister is finishing her PhD at the UofT. (I love bragging about this, especially to Koreans.) She asked me about my family, my religion, admitted her age (only one year younger than me - astonishing) and basically sized me up the rest of the time. We both had some guilty fun lampooning Lunatic Liddy, an endearingly bizarre, yet obnoxiously strange Korean co-worker. Actually, I could probably write a book about that one, but later. She also asked what I had done with the rose she gave me. Why, it's image is in this blog, gentle reader, where it will live the remainder of its fated lifespan since I didn't think to dry it, the way Boytek did. Are we the only ones to whom she's given flowers?

After dinner (she paid! or was it the hagwon? - I asked and she claimed it was her card) , she bought us ice cream, and we shared a cab home. Initially she offered me the front seat, but someone was already in it -this is a common practice in Korea called ...hapseung. Since taxis are so cheap, cabbies need to double on passengers when they can. However it's the first time I've ever experienced it - probably because I'm a foreigner. So we sat in the back and she joked about how people would think we were dating. My arrogant take on this is that she was intrigued by the idea, but horrified by what people would think.

Consequently, I suspect that will pretty much be the end of that; although I'm duty and honour bound to offer to spring for the second dinner now, aren't I?

Later I went to the gym, and Mr. Lee offered me a stick of gum for the second time - this time in the locker room as I was getting out of my skivvies. Then while I was running on the treadmill the trainer came over to tell me that he would help explain any piece of equipment or free weight exercise that I wanted - I asked for his name - we settled on Lim-trainer after some difficulty. So, that would make a record-low 2 interruptions while working out. They sure love to practice them some English, these friendly elves!

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Day 6

End of Day 6 of a 20 Day marathon of 11 hour teaching days and only one day off in 11. The cracks are starting to show among co-workers. Today El Capitan told me that my shorts were too short (above the knee) in her words ' too sexy' . *
*and now you have a small understanding of the incredible Victorian prudishness that exists in some segments of K-land. Knees haven't been off-limits since hoopskirts and whalebone corsets, b##$!

I said "Should I go home?" Incredulous.
"No, just don't wear them again".
I gathered my things, left the staff room and slammed my classroom door behind me. When you consider the nu-metal t-shirts and tear-away parachute pants that some other teachers wear I am a paragon of sartorial professionalism. To quote Wayne Gretzky - Damn right I'm hot. I feel like I'm being persecuted. Capitan came to my class to make sure I wasn't too angry - like quitting angry, I guess. If she needs something to liven up her 13 hour working days she picked the wrong mark. She has no clue how unpleasant a weaselly little passive aggressive foreigner can be.

I think I'll start by wearing a suit and tie tomorrow and then test the existence of a non-smoking policy in the teacher's room.

Later, HippieChick and Dharma told me that my main problem was combining checked fabrics. "It makes your eyes scattered".