Forgiveness
It has been some time since I have written anything, and, in my current emotional state, writing seems to be one of the only things I can do. Here are some thoughts on my situation, with a bit of a redemption and healing theme.
I have had 9 work-free days to enjoy (after a month of hell), and yet I haven't managed to call a single important person, or go to a single important place. I'm going to forgive myself for wasting nine days of glorious free time, and I hope you will do the same. At least I finished Jade Empire, which, if you do that sort of thing, comes highly recommended.
I have come to terms with the fact that I am either
a) suffering another debilitating bout of depression or
b) I'm suffering from culture shock - possibly aggravated by (a)
If any of my unfortunate family are reading this I can only say that our brief phone conversations make my homesickness worse. Avoiding conversation with friends and family back home is an attempt to cope, maybe not the best way, but I'm sure that must be the reason since I do miss you. This is just a phase. I will get better, I will call, and thank you for your extended patience. I am going to forgive myself for being a selfish fruitcake, and I hope you will too.
It's been eight months in Korea, and what have I accomplished? Well, most importantly, I haven't been fired. I am still here. Congratulations to me for making it to 3/4!
I have lost my immunity to mosquito bites, either that or the poison in Korean mosquitos is highly potent, because the itchy red bumps around my tender ankles takes days to subside.
Speaking of immunity - I never had any a priori defence against spicy food, raised as I was on milk and bread in the heartland of White NAmerica. I thought that maybe eating Korean food would harden me, turn me into a culinary Nietszchean, a gustatorial bronze tongued superman, if you will. I was wrong.
I went out for 짐닭 (super spicy boiled chicken with noodles and veggies) with Ivy League Ike last week and it nearly destroyed me. I had a small pile of tissues competing for space with my leftover chicken bones on the table, pathetically weak against the power of 'gochu' (hot red chiles). Curiously, I've been told Koreans consider mustard to be very spicy, and have trouble eating it. Maybe our tongues are configured differently? It's OK that I have trouble eating spicy food, what's not okay is paying for a gym membership and then not using it to burn off said food. If I come back to Canada fatter than when I left I will be seriously pissed.
Korean girls are coy and their curiosity about western men is mitigated by a fairly strict social code that constrains them from any form of tawdriness. Chris and I agreed that their lot is pitiable - torn by the sordid influences of foreign media (TV) and ruled like peasants by their families. Then again, there are some enlightened ones - (I am told) I need to get out more, beyond the sleepy confines of 천천동. I am going to forgive myself for being a recluse, and vow to concentrate more on practicing Korean than on playing my Xbox.
I am not saving or sending home as much money as I thought I would. The prime directive has been clouded. What am I doing here, besides ruining my "career", if I don't send home enough money to pay off my familial debt? I am going to forgive myself for having a psycho boss who makes even the mere thought of taking private lessons impractical. I won't forgive myself for being a spendthrift but I will forgive myself for having a lower-than-expected income, especially after my lucrative first and second quarters. I will make more money if and when I decide to work elsewhere during my second year. I will send it straight to mum and da'.
This does, oddly, make me feel better! Next post: future plans.
I have had 9 work-free days to enjoy (after a month of hell), and yet I haven't managed to call a single important person, or go to a single important place. I'm going to forgive myself for wasting nine days of glorious free time, and I hope you will do the same. At least I finished Jade Empire, which, if you do that sort of thing, comes highly recommended.
I have come to terms with the fact that I am either
a) suffering another debilitating bout of depression or
b) I'm suffering from culture shock - possibly aggravated by (a)
If any of my unfortunate family are reading this I can only say that our brief phone conversations make my homesickness worse. Avoiding conversation with friends and family back home is an attempt to cope, maybe not the best way, but I'm sure that must be the reason since I do miss you. This is just a phase. I will get better, I will call, and thank you for your extended patience. I am going to forgive myself for being a selfish fruitcake, and I hope you will too.
It's been eight months in Korea, and what have I accomplished? Well, most importantly, I haven't been fired. I am still here. Congratulations to me for making it to 3/4!
I have lost my immunity to mosquito bites, either that or the poison in Korean mosquitos is highly potent, because the itchy red bumps around my tender ankles takes days to subside.
Speaking of immunity - I never had any a priori defence against spicy food, raised as I was on milk and bread in the heartland of White NAmerica. I thought that maybe eating Korean food would harden me, turn me into a culinary Nietszchean, a gustatorial bronze tongued superman, if you will. I was wrong.
I went out for 짐닭 (super spicy boiled chicken with noodles and veggies) with Ivy League Ike last week and it nearly destroyed me. I had a small pile of tissues competing for space with my leftover chicken bones on the table, pathetically weak against the power of 'gochu' (hot red chiles). Curiously, I've been told Koreans consider mustard to be very spicy, and have trouble eating it. Maybe our tongues are configured differently? It's OK that I have trouble eating spicy food, what's not okay is paying for a gym membership and then not using it to burn off said food. If I come back to Canada fatter than when I left I will be seriously pissed.
Korean girls are coy and their curiosity about western men is mitigated by a fairly strict social code that constrains them from any form of tawdriness. Chris and I agreed that their lot is pitiable - torn by the sordid influences of foreign media (TV) and ruled like peasants by their families. Then again, there are some enlightened ones - (I am told) I need to get out more, beyond the sleepy confines of 천천동. I am going to forgive myself for being a recluse, and vow to concentrate more on practicing Korean than on playing my Xbox.
I am not saving or sending home as much money as I thought I would. The prime directive has been clouded. What am I doing here, besides ruining my "career", if I don't send home enough money to pay off my familial debt? I am going to forgive myself for having a psycho boss who makes even the mere thought of taking private lessons impractical. I won't forgive myself for being a spendthrift but I will forgive myself for having a lower-than-expected income, especially after my lucrative first and second quarters. I will make more money if and when I decide to work elsewhere during my second year. I will send it straight to mum and da'.
This does, oddly, make me feel better! Next post: future plans.
posted by Vivec at 9:43 a.m.
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