Monday, November 21, 2005

KT MegaSuck

My KT Megapass premium internet bill was 84,000 won this month. WTF over??

If anyone can shed light on this I will give you more details and split the savings difference if I can get this reversed.

Hedwig and the Hysterical Crowd

Begin flashback...

So, I'm in HyeHwa, and after some nifty subway navigation and a quick triangle gimbap-run at GS25 to combat hangover hunger and to get some lightly peach-flavoured DHB (drenches body and heart) to prevent hangover headache and nausea, we are paying 33,000 won to listen to Hedwig and the Angry Inch, the musical, sung in Korean.

Not the least of my worries is running past (much less into) someone who knows me, since, defending my suspect heterosexuality will become nigh impossible after being seen at this show. I would defy anyone to say that the cross-dressing and emasculation themes of Hedwig are COMPLETELY gay, but certainly they smack of gayosity, and there can be no doubt that this show is a hit with drag queens and poufs, neither of which I am or have ever been, not that there is anything wrong with it.

Actually I'm here mostly because the music rocks, and I know Ange would want to hear about it (damn me for not bringing the camera - but actually if you can picture Hedwig makeup on an Asian face, and a lot of funny ajumma faces, you've pretty much got it).

Review: The music did rock, and it did me a ton of soul-soothing good to actually hear an electric guitar in person after...yeah, a while.
The whole show is basically in Korean, and apart from some integral scenes, such as the one where Tommy Gnosis points to Hedwig's crotch and asks "Igeh Moya?" the message was not always clear, nor was it always in line with the movie. Luckily I had an able interpreter in Becca (introduced later) who not only could translate all the German lines, but knew the story back and forth.

The most entertaining part of the evening though, was the crowd. I don't know, exactly, at least not yet, but I'm working on some theories as to what makes this show so popular with Korean women, but the place was jam-packed with them. HOT ONES (not gay over here, hello). And, youngish ones too. I spotted a few men, but there seemed to be only one other foreigner in the whole joint, a very slim man who fit the 'profile'. We both seemed to be getting a lot of attention, but I would like to think it was because we were both devastatingly handsome curiosities in this sea of frenzied Hedwig worshippers. The actor who plays Hedwig (Song Yong-jin?) is not, as I initially, suspected, proof of the existence of gays in Korea, he is actually a bold (would have to be fearless to show his face unpainted) and energetic actor. He churned the crowd into a frothing mass (I think I may be repeating myself, but I'll keep this motif for Korea's population in general) the likes that I haven't seen anywhere but in Beatles footage, well, minus the shrieking. I mean, there was cheering and yelling, but not the ear-splitting shrieking, thank God. Anyway, it was cool to see, and fun, and worth the money, and the one female actor had a great voice and was EXTREMELY HOT. (Lee Young-mi?)
(End flashback...)

I met Bruce's friend Kyrt last night. He is another tall man with a gorgeous (and endlessly charming) Korean wife. It's really enough to make me shake my head in despair. Kyrt is different from soccer-coach-Sarge though, in that he seems thoughtful, rather than conniving, and although ambitious, he has a laid-back and friendly demeanour. Kyrt's wife, Jade, (do I tell her it's a stripper's English name?) has a friend, call her Becky, although she would dislike that.

Becky is fluent in German, self-taught over only a few years of serious study. She reads good books. She is a thinker. She was not particularly glib or raucous though, even with the dispatching of a bottle of Bailey's consumed in the service of my first recorded complete cup of coffee, several tequila shots, and a few gin and tonics. She was also gentle, patient, erudite and whimsically suffered the company of fools like me.

Still, I was in her kitchen eating French toast with hard-won 'cake syrup' discovered after a few kilometres of shop-scouring at the end of a boozy evening. It's not what you think, though, gentle reader, for although I am not innocent of such scallywaggery, we had actually stayed out until 7 am singing at the noraebang. The evening was in fact, notable for this and a conversation on the proper administration of a hagwon business, with Bruce's increasingly insufferable braggadocio regarding his important position with the Choleric Charity, his salary and the inversely small cost of living in Indonesia thrown in for good measure. Let's hope he saves something this time. ( - actually don't worry so much about what he does, just shut up and follow your own advice.)

Becky was pleasant company, but this will be a meeting of minds only, for various reasons, not the least of which is that my stay in Korea is approaching it's terminus, and a return is uncertain at best. She invited me to come to Hedwig and the Angry Inch, and actually since this is the most interesting part of my post, maybe I'll write this as a flashback.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Time to Split

Spring Time in the burbs.

I can't believe the dirty sons of bitches at Nor-don collections managed to track me down in Korea. They must have got to my mom somehow. Dirty. sons. o' bitches.

These cakes were just out lying in the street. Plain in sight where any ol' person could snag 'em. But that would never happen in Korea, you say! Not in hysterically bone-jarringly honest Korea! Shocked, you say! Shocking! Well let me disabuse you of this notion - Koreans are no more honest then Puerto Ricans

I tore up their letter in the lunchroom then set the motherfucker on fire, and drank a pint of rum in front of the kindergarteners while demonstrating the history behind the 'hang-man' game and re-enacting the show-me-the-money scene, sotto voce, from Jerry Maguire, which, incidentally, has become a modern international classic.

Peoples they do love them some shiny baubles.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Armistice Day

The sunrise represents rebirth.

I hope this is still topical. In Korea, November 11 is called 'Pepero' Day and it's an unabashed ploy by a candy company to sell more candy. Since there is no coy attempt to hide the commercialism of the day behind an emotion (like Valentine's), and since kids love candy, and incidentally, so do I, I wasn't perturbed at all that Pepero overshadows the real November 11 - Remembrance Day.

The poppy represents war dead. According to know-it-all Ned, poppies grow well in recently turned earth hence the shrapnelled fields of Flanders were ripe for poppy growing, but I suspect this explanation is apocryphal.

Still, I wore a poppy, brought from home, and photocopied 'In Flanders Fields' to tell all 3 of my classes from Basic to Senior what Nov. 11 was really about.

In the end I got a ton, literally, a tonne of Pepero, and so did the other teachers. Since I'm on a health kick I put most of my haul into the community pile where, I suspect, it got thrown out. Just as well, since Pepero, like all Korean candy, sucks. It consists of a stick-shaped, completely taste-free crumbly cookie base that has the consistency of cardboard. This is then dipped in chocolate, and sometimes it has sesame seeds in the base. Apart from the thin layer of chocolate it's a terrible candy, so I think I'll stick to chocolate the next time I want to binge on simple carbs.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Census!

Bruce came back from Indonesia; we only had an evening to talk but it confirms in my mind that the people I went to Uni with were the best sorts of people. I need to go back to school. Dammit.

Guess where Bruce wanted to go? Hongdae! How many times is that now? I met a girl who wants to exchange language lessons. Bruce called her ugly, but I think I've been alone too long to be a good judge.

In other news: guess who just had to fill out a census? Actually, it wasn't me, it was the woman who PERSISTED ON RINGING MY DOORBELL DESPITE ALL MY ATTEMPTS TO IGNORE HER. I don't usually answer my door when I don't recognize the person through the keyhole, or when there's a thumb blocking it (then it's time for a NUGUYA??! bellowed fiercely if I suspect the person is Anglo or WHO DIS??! if I suspect the interloper is Korean) because there is never any good reason to do so. It's either the Mormons trying to get you to convert AND give them free language lesssons - sneaky mormons. Or it's a salesperson trying to give you filters for your air-con or stove, such things which I undoubtedly need but will never install, due to intertia and being busy converting wav files to mp3 or whatnot.

Census Woman, however was not to be deterred, and if you have ever heard a Korean doorbell you will understand why it's the most god-awful torture to endure. I would rather face down the knife wielding nalari to whom I'm 300 million in Go-stop induced indebtedness, than to hear that sound three times. It's not even properly a sound, it's a "song" but which is so horrible to contemplate, much less experience that the term song is not apt.

Census Woman's determination is not matched with a corresponding bilingualism, so I'm trying to figure out what she wants me to say, and I'm giving her the best dumb foreigner act that I can muster, except, here's a secret bloggers, it's not really acting.

Her: Rapid fire Korean that you could understand only if you had been born here.
Me: Mwoya-yo??? (Did you not notice my white face and shocking yellow hair??)
Her: Huh. More Korean, no words distinguishible, but said in a halting manner.
Me: Meolleoyo!! (What the hell are you talking about??? I'm a dumb foreigner, can't you hear?)
Her: Korean. Korean. name. Korean.
Me: at this point I notice the word 'census' on her sheet. Ahh! Census! You want my name?
Her: Nodding
Me: Ok - I write 'Half Moon' (first name)
Her: More rapid fire Korean, counting on fingers.
Me: Meolleoyo?
etc. etc.

Anyway, I lied about my age on the census. Classic.